Irish Burial at Sea
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Posted:Nov 25, 2009 2:28 am
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2009 11:48 pm
12517 Views
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> Mick and Paddy had promised their uncle Seamus, who had
been a seafaring gent all his life, to bury him at sea
when he died.
> Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept
their promise.
>
> They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial
bag and loaded onto their rowboat. After a while Mick
says, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?'
>
> Without a word Paddy slips over the side only to find
himself standing in water up to his knees.
>
> 'Dis'll never do, Mick. Let's row some more.'
>
> After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again
but the water is only up to his belly, so they row on.
>
> Again Mick asks Paddy, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out
Paddy?'
> Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost
immediately says, 'No dis'll neva do.'
>
> The water was only up to his chest.
>
> So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips
over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by
and poor Mick is really getting himself into a state when
suddenly Paddy breaks the surface gasping for breath.
>
> 'Well is it deep enuff yet, Paddy?'
>
> 'Aye it 'tis, hand me da shovel.'
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14
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1 Year
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Posted:Nov 19, 2009 10:28 pm
Last Updated:Dec 27, 2009 11:13 pm
13095 Views
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Yes it is my first anniversary of being on Stripper Girls Gone Crazy.
A very interesting year it has been.
I have made new friends, and lost friends. Those lost, have found somebody to share their lives with, so have left the site. Still to scared to tell their ladies that they made friends on a sex site.
Yes, it is speech time, so sit back and relax, have a drink or two, and if I miss anyone, sorry.
I would like to thank the following friends:
Sis: For getting me to join the site.
Pud: Still wondering about that ear.
Pass: Don't know much about you yet.
Hotd: Keep those dreams up.
Pag: Still thinking of that all over tan.
Kh: Such inner beauty of the soul.
DTD: We should swap wigs and glasses.
19H: Man of few words.
Jl: You have been very quiet for a while.
OLB: Keep up the jokes.
A: Do you know Richard Gere looks like you. lol.
S: Always saucy.
DRM: Thank you for all your hard work. The time is almost
here.
SirTee: You sure do.
N: A woman who has been there too. Thank you.
ZZ: Very smooth.
CR: Where do you keep disappearing to?
Ho: Never know what to expect.
Redk: Keep popping in.
Fun.: Always makes me smile, sometimes laugh a lot.
I would not like to thank those in Stripper Girls Gone Crazy that took us Standards privilege away of inviting friends.
I would like to thank my Mother and Father....... ok enough.
I have shared laughter, tears and some great advice.
Thank you my friends.
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20
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Another funny
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Posted:Nov 1, 2009 11:44 pm
Last Updated:Nov 30, 2009 6:34 pm
15730 Views
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A man checks into a hotel in Blackpool, England, while on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought of one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab. He popped into a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs...... well, you get the picture! He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, what the hell, give her a call.
'Hello', the woman says.
Gosh, she sounded sexy.
'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?'
She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.'
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22
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Beware the 'Watchers.'
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Posted:Oct 27, 2009 11:32 pm
Last Updated:Nov 30, 2009 6:35 pm
16416 Views
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Was talking to a friend the other day about my blogs.
I told them I had a few 'Watchers.'
I said that it was nice that there are people out in Blogland that enjoyed reading whatever I felt like writing. Took time out of their busy day to read what I had to say.
Makes one feel special.
They asked me why I didn't find it creepy to have strangers 'Watching' me. They compared it to stalking.
The notion had never crossed my mind.
I got up off the computer chair, and started to pace the room, pondering these questions.
All of a sudden, I felt eyes watching my every move. I turned around, and there they were, all those eyes on the computer screen 'Watching' me.
I ran out of the room and put on my disguise. A rocker wig and very dark sunglasses.
Now I can 'Watch' you without you seeing me do so. Hang on, can't see a bloody thing, these glasses are too dark.
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23
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How do you eat it?
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Posted:Oct 20, 2009 2:40 am
Last Updated:Oct 2, 2010 12:53 am
18159 Views
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No this isn't a sex question.
This is for fellow chocaholics.
Read a blog the other day about 'which chocolate you like', so not going there.
Just nosy as how you like to eat your chocolate.
Are you a nibbler?
Do you put it all in your mouth in one go and chew to pieces?
Do you eat the top first and then the bottom?
I like to put it into my mouth and let it slowly melt.
Feeling the smooth velvety richness fill my mouth.
The wonderful warm sensation on my tongue.
Tastes even better with eyes closed and soft music playing in the background.
I will share my chocolate bar if I have to. But I have to like you a lot to do so. Unless it is white chocolate, which we all know is NOT real chocolate. Then you can have it all to yourself.
Would you share your bar with just anyone, or would they have to be special to you?
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31
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English from around the world.
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Posted:Oct 17, 2009 12:20 am
Last Updated:Jan 10, 2020 2:42 pm
16210 Views
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In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN..
Cocktail lounge , Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE IN THE BAR.
Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES .
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan :
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
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18
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Shredder
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Posted:Oct 16, 2009 11:48 pm
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2009 3:24 am
15354 Views
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A young engineer was leaving the office at 3.45 p.m. when he found the Acting CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the Acting CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the Acting CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."
Lesson:
Never, ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing.
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7
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The End, but a new begining
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Posted:Oct 9, 2009 1:23 am
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2009 3:25 am
17150 Views
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Yesterday saw the final closure in a chapter of my life.
My car got re possessed.
It was a reminder to me every time I looked out of my window and saw it there.
I had bought a franchise business. Mine was Interior House cleaning.
All was going well for the first year, but what happens when there is a recession looming? The first thing to go is the luxury things in our life. Lets face it, we can clean our homes ourselves.
Things were going from bad to worse, and of cause the franchisers wern't interested in helping out, because if you went down like so many of us have, they would have a second bite of the cherry, and re sell your area, and don't forget, they still had to get paid their share every week,even if there was no money coming in.
After two years, I had to walk away and cut my losses, which were mounting weekly.
For another year, I wouldn't answer my phone if it came up 'unknown'. Bills were always paid after the first sometimes second reminder.
Sleep was hard to come by, too much running through my head.
I only had a roof over my head because friends own the house I rent.
A few months ago, after many tears, I decided I had to go bankrupt.
It was the most soul wrenching decision I have had to make.
I had put it off for so long, but it was effecting my health.
The papers were full of casual work, but what I really needed was full time. So there was no option for me.
I filled in the forms and hand delivered them. More tears were shed. How could this have happened to me?
It has taken this long for the car to be taken away.
I could not watch it being loaded onto the tow truck.
I am writing this with tears in my eyes.
I promise myself they will be the last ones I shed.
Today is the first day of my new life.
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20
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Bath Night
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Posted:Oct 8, 2009 9:16 pm
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2009 12:28 am
16225 Views
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Bath Night
A couple take on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but she could use a tin bath in front of the fire......
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.. So the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday....
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair, and told her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said, "Next week I'll leave a gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself.."
The following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked, "Do you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed off her hairy muff.
When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked, "Did you see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!!"
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8
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Protection
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Posted:Sep 22, 2009 10:50 pm
Last Updated:Oct 26, 2009 12:59 am
16971 Views
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A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she
heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'
I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'
If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied.
He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.
After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.
Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?
Oh , yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home! '
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'
Nope.........just when it's raining.
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14
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Vampire Mania
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Posted:Sep 21, 2009 12:38 am
Last Updated:Oct 25, 2009 7:04 am
17352 Views
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What monster or creature were you afraid of as a ?
My parents used to let me watch horror movies that were on TV late at night.
I used to be terrified of Vampires. I was so scared to go to bed after watching them. I had a set of illuminous rosary beads that I used to wrap around my bed head so that they couldn't come near me.
Every so often before I fell asleep, I would shine a torch on them to make them glow.
If I was really scared, I would wear them around my neck. Made me feel extra safe.
Also had some Holy water. What a good Catholic I was.
Had to join in the hype of reading the Twilight books. Most were quite good.
Was hard to get around some of the Vampires being good. Some even protected the humans against the true (in my mind) bad ones.
This new bred of Vampires could even go out in the day time as long as the sun wasn't shinning.
Come on. We all know real Vampires have to sleep in their coffins when it begins to get light.
These new Vampires ran so fast that they became a blur.
Why would they want to run? We know that real Vampires can fly.
Went with my to see the first movie. She is hooked on the books and the movie, or is it Edmond the young stud?
I kept having a look at my watch, wondering how much longer the movie had to go.
Needless to say, I won't be standing in a long line waiting to see the second movie which starts here next month.
I didn't have to search out those wonderful rosary beads that saved my life so many years ago, or take some water up to the church to be blessed after seeing the first movie.
Give me the old black and white Vampire movies of old.
If you want a good laugh. See if you can get a copy of a movie called 'Dracula Dead and Loving It.'
It has Leslie Nielson and Mel Brooks in it, so you know it will be silly, but good for a laugh.
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14
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Stress Management Technique
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Posted:Sep 10, 2009 10:46 pm
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2009 9:35 pm
16812 Views
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I know some of you have seen this before, but had to post it.
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is, that it really does work, and will make you smile.
1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock, that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.
2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so crystal clear....that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.
Don't know about you, but there are a few faces I can see under the water.
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8
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Yet another Joke
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Posted:Aug 9, 2009 4:06 am
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2009 12:48 pm
17081 Views
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A man got on a bus with both his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat next to a beautiful blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
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7
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To link to this blog (marysia4u) use [blog marysia4u] in your messages.
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